Day 8

Route: Slaidburn to Windermere

Stats:

Distance: 46 miles

Time: 3 hrs 10 mins

Day 8 starts with goings-on during the night. It transpires that the animalistic charm of the white van man does not diminish while he sleeps; rather, the vaguely sexist and reassuringly xenophobic pheromones of white van man waft through the night air like the smell of honeysuckle to a bee. Because of this, we have now learnt that sleeping Jerry needs to be kept under lock-and-key or, as happened last night, he will be incessantly approached by men and women alike wanting to spend time in his company. Last night was the last time we let him sleep in a communal area. Meanwhile, Joss and Camillo were serenaded by their sleeping dorm-mates, two ageing men – the Nightingales of the North – whose stertorous stamina, whose nasal know-how, whose respiratory resilience was a feat to behold. Having had minutes of sleep between them thanks to these men’s midnight mellifluous melodies, Joss and Camillo woke bleary-eyed to Katy’s insistent and disconcertingly well-rested attitude trying to get the team to leave on time. Her persistence was rewarded with a hill that took an hour to climb and seconds to descend, gravity always has the last laugh, before a 20-mile trek across to Kendal, home of the famous mint cake and Jerry’s van, which took pride of place across various disabled bays in the town centre – this method of parking has become the van’s modus operandi. Lunch was consumed in the usual fashion, orally, and 10 further miles took us to Windermere and another 3 miles took us to the cunningly-named Windermere Youth Hostel. Although the innumerable and doubtlessly thrilled masses following us on social media sites (Facebook, Twitter etc.) have been baying for blood recently, asking for more miles, more crashes, more tears, we have stood strong in the face of their unreasonable demands and have treated ourselves to a calm 46-mile day. Tomorrow, we anticipate a cameo from Lucy Eccles, aka Katy Eccles Mk II, who heads into the breach as this year’s wild-card rider. She assures us she has spent half an hour in the gym today and thus is amply prepared for her upcoming cycling endeavour up and, especially, her arrival promises to add another voice of discord and confusion to the mammoth feats of miscommunication that tie the Eccles family together.